To the editor,
I get frustrated easily. The reason I generally donot read the paper is because I tire of the ceaseless back and forth banter,arguing over problems whose solutions are painfully obvious to me. Yes, I amaware that I’m an arrogant asshole, but if a man does not think himself abovethe mindless drivel which pours out of our presses in this day in age, I do notthink he has very much at all. In David Blankenhorn’s “Protecting Marriage toProtect Children” he makes the case that a ban on gay marriage is necessary toprotect the future generations of Americans. I am completely dumbfounded thatit could be unlawful, criminal even, for two people to wed. The Supreme Courtlong ago ruled in favor of equality in freedom and opportunity, (something calledthe civil rights movement, you may have heard of it.) Yet somehow it is stillnot clear to all Americans that there is no legal basis for granting rights toa certain group of people and not others.
I shall outline a few basic arguments against gay marriagein David Blankenhorn’s piece, and attempt to demonstrate why they arecompletely absurd.
Marriage is a license to have children (Blankenhorn1).
Oops. You don’t need this “license” to have kids; asof 2006 there are twelve point nine million households being led by a singleparent, according to the US census bureau (Families and living arrangements2006). Clearly, there is no such thing as a license to have children. How canyou say that a one night stand which results in a child being raised by a singlemother is more legitimate than a child being raised by a married gay couple,yet how can you deny these people the right to reproduce and raise the childrenof their loins? Furthermore, gay couples could provide shelter and raise thechildren whose biological parents either can’t, or won’t, take proper care ofthem.
“Every child being raised by gay or lesbian coupleswill be denied his birthright to both parents who made him. Every single one(Blankenhorn 2).”
I must admit, I’m perplexed by that one. Will“legalizing” gay marriage suddenly give LGBT couples the right to whiskchildren away from their biological parents in the night? Will otherwise eagerand willing parents throw up their arms, drop their babies, and declare “What’sthe use anymore!? It’s all meaningless now, why don’t we just let our childrenbe raised by some fucking queers or something!?” I think not. Few people wouldargue that the best way for a child to be raised is by their biological parentswho love each other and the child very much. Blankenhorn sets up the conflictof one of good versus good (Blankenhorn 2). On one hand the goodness of givingproper dignity to LGBT couples, and on the other, the goodness of childrenbeing raised in an ideal atmosphere. This is not the case. As I’ve alreadystated, “Legalizing” gay marriage will not take any children away from theirbiological parents and place them instead in the care of homosexuals. Rather,concerning the children, it is a conflict of good versus bad. The good ofgiving loving couples the same rights, the same opportunity, and the samedignity to marry, create a home, and raise children regardless of their sexualorientation. Versus the bad of children either being told that their parentsaren’t accepted and respected by the state, or even worse, growing up in anorphanage.
Opponents to gay marriage argue that marriage is asacred and ancient institution. They will say it is not a question of rights,but a question of definition. Marriage is between man and woman, and has beenan integral part of our society for centuries. Gay couples can be given equalrights thru civil unions, without undermining the foundation of traditionalmarriage. The doctrine of separate but equal does not work. It is impossible tosegregate between two institutions; granting a certain group entrance into oneof them, and another group to the other. There has to be a way to grantcomplete equality to all citizens without offending people’s religioussensibilities.
We have this concept in America of separating thechurch and state. It’s about time we use it. Here’s what I propose: We protectthe sanctity of marriage and the rights of LGBT by separating the two. We haveno need for a legal institution of marriage; all of the social and monetarybenefits should be made available under the umbrella term “civil union.” Thiswould no longer refer only to gay couples, but to any two people who livetogether and are mutually dependent on each other. Why should the lawdifferentiate between homo-sexual couples and hereto-sexual couples? Therecannot be rights granted only to people who fall in love with someone of theopposite sex-in fact, falling in love isn't even a requirement. Rather any twopeople who make a commitment to spend their lives together and support eachother, whether their motives are love or otherwise, should be treated the same.Let the Church define marriage, and let the government concern itself with whatis relevant to it, without encroaching upon an institution which people hold tobe sacred.
Protectingmarriage to protect children
Therights and needs of kids are being lost in the debate over gay rights and Prop.8.
September19, 2008|David Blankenhorn | David Blankenhorn is president of the NewYork-based Institute for American Values and the author of "The Future ofMarriage."
I'ma liberal Democrat. And I do not favor same-sex marriage. Do those positionssound contradictory? To me, they fit together.
Manyseem to believe that marriage is simply a private love relationship between twopeople. They accept this view, in part, because Americans have increasinglyemphasized and come to value the intimate, emotional side of marriage, and inpart because almost all opinion leaders today, from journalists to judges,strongly embrace this position. That's certainly the idea that underpinned theCalifornia Supreme Court's legalization of same-sex marriage.
ButI spent a year studying the history and anthropology of marriage, and I've cometo a different conclusion.
Marriageas a human institution is constantly evolving, and many of its features varyacross groups and cultures. But there is one constant. In all societies,marriage shapes the rights and obligations of parenthood. Among us humans, thescholars report, marriage is not primarily a license to have sex. Nor is itprimarily a license to receive benefits or social recognition. It is primarilya license to have children.
Inthis sense, marriage is a gift that society bestows on its next generation.Marriage (and only marriage) unites the three core dimensions of parenthood --biological, social and legal -- into one pro-child form: the married couple.Marriage says to a child: The man and the woman whose sexual union made youwill also be there to love and raise you. Marriage says to society as a whole:For every child born, there is a recognized mother and a father, accountable tothe child and to each other.
Thesedays, because of the gay marriage debate, one can be sent to bed without supperfor saying such things. But until very recently, almost no one denied this corefact about marriage. Summing up the cross-cultural evidence, the anthropologistHelen Fisher in 1992 put it simply: "People wed primarily toreproduce." The philosopher and Nobel laureate Bertrand Russell, certainlyno friend of conventional sexual morality, was only repeating the obvious a fewdecades earlier when he concluded that "it is through children alone thatsexual relations become important to society, and worthy to be taken cognizanceof by a legal institution."
Marriageis society's most pro-child institution. In 2002 -- just moments before itbecame highly unfashionable to say so -- a team of researchers from ChildTrends, a nonpartisan research center, reported that "family structureclearly matters for children, and the family structure that helps children themost is a family headed by two biological parents in a low-conflictmarriage."
Allour scholarly instruments seem to agree: For healthy development, what a childneeds more than anything else is the mother and father who together made thechild, who love the child and love each other.
Forthese reasons, children have the right, insofar as society can make itpossible, to know and to be cared for by the two parents who brought them intothis world. The foundational human rights document in the world today regardingchildren, the 1989 U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child, specificallyguarantees children this right. The last time I checked, liberals like me weresupposed to be in favor of internationally recognized human rights,particularly concerning children, who are typically society's most voicelessand vulnerable group. Or have I now said something I shouldn't?
Everychild being raised by gay or lesbian couples will be denied his birthright toboth parents who made him. Every single one. Moreover, losing that right willnot be a consequence of something that at least most of us view as tragic, suchas a marriage that didn't last, or an unexpected pregnancy where thefather-to-be has no intention of sticking around. On the contrary, in the caseof same-sex marriage and the children of those unions, it will be explained toeveryone, including the children, that something wonderful has happened!
Forme, what we are encouraged or permitted to say, or not say, to one anotherabout what our society owes its children is crucially important in the debateover initiatives like California's Proposition 8, which would reinstatemarriage's customary man-woman form. Do you think that every child deserves hismother and father, with adoption available for those children whose naturalparents cannot care for them? Do you suspect that fathers and mothers aredifferent from one another? Do you imagine that biological ties matter tochildren? How many parents per child is best? Do you think that "two"is a better answer than one, three, four or whatever? If you do, be careful. Inmaking the case for same-sex marriage, more than a few grown-ups will be quitewilling to question your integrity and goodwill. Children, of course, arerarely consulted.
Theliberal philosopher Isaiah Berlin famously argued that, in many cases, the realconflict we face is not good versus bad but good versus good. Reducinghomophobia is good. Protecting the birthright of the child is good. How shouldwe reason together as a society when these two good things conflict?
Hereis my reasoning. I reject homophobia and believe in the equal dignity of gayand lesbian love. Because I also believe with all my heart in the right of thechild to the mother and father who made her, I believe that we as a societyshould seek to maintain and to strengthen the only human institution --marriage -- that is specifically intended to safeguard that right and make itreal for our children.
Legalizedsame-sex marriage almost certainly benefits those same-sex couples who chooseto marry, as well as the children being raised in those homes. But changing themeaning of marriage to accommodate homosexual orientation further and perhapsdefinitively undermines for all of us the very thing -- the gift, thebirthright -- that is marriage's most distinctive contribution to humansociety. That's a change that, in the final analysis, I cannot support.
http://articles.latimes.com/2008/sep/19/opinion/oe-blankenhorn19